GAH, I have no filter.... so mean :(

bad beef is nothing to joke about! ew!

____ is the new _____ makes me want to ______ you in the _____

I knew I shouldn't have bought it...but yes, I did finish all of them

yeah, i'm immature and I giggle like a 12 year old boy when I hear this...

they just want to chat!

please just sign your emails with something like "thanks"....

I'm not sure I can pull it off...

Seinfeld was right

I need more of that hot pink paper! so ghetto!

Suit = Bad

big bang theory of, um well, bangs

i'm guessing there's one person who finds this one interesting. and she's typing this...

old ladies CANNOT drive inside their lanes... especially on big busy streets like, um Peachtree!

i love office birthday parties! free lunch!

thank goodness for spell check and the fact that no one proofreads my to-do lists... ack

the word aixelsyd, i mean, dyslexia sounds appropriate...

whenever you say "I'm gonna run some errands" what you mean is "I'm gonna go spend a bunch of money on non-fun thigns"

hurry! buy now! or um you can just buy sometime whenever, in the next few months or years...

only one of his many skills/hobbies... ballroom dancing

I want ALL of their food... good thing I dont know where one is...

AND they're funny commercials too! I want to work for Sonic Marketing... now

... and I'm only gettin' older every day! one day I'll be right on track :)

where's the RAID! ps. dear roaches: I HATE YOU!

i dont know about chris tucker, but Jackie Chan is the baddest mofo around!

each order comes with a free lesson of how to put your pointer finger all up in my mug, gesturing for me to "shhhhhh"

I love that one song of yours, but dont understand why its on repeat...

Bono, please please please go on an extended vacation...

if bein a piggy is a crime, lock me up. (please lock me in the pig's in a blanket factory)

if you're name's not Bubba, then you should really re-think that look

i LOVE "bathroom" humor!

hahaha pushing is funny!

I wonder if the Wiggles started out as a kiddie band or if they just couldnt make it as a Bon Jovi cover band?

no thanks, i dont want to buy your "homemade" soap on etsy.... ewwwww

where did this phrase come from?

dang PMS.... you CANT cry at work!

its like tumbleweed carpet up in this piece....

Nothing about this sounds appealing... If I had "Lance in my Pants" I think I'd go to the free clinic...

Hey Boss, um I'm not gonna make it in today because, well, its cold as bejesus... is that cool?

i love you Nancy Grace!

phone-a-phobe

i also love "you know what really grinds my gears?" but that's from the family guy, this one is from my sissy

i have to thank my local USPS mail lady for this one..

okay, fine, i guess that does make me a loser!

its just embarrassing for EVERYONE! ug

i wanna free pen!

what would I write? why do I want one SOOOO bad!?!?!

he loves to sit in my lap! (when I make him...)

unless it's Jason's deli...

Muffins: Nature's Cupcake

this is why i shop online.... GET AWAY FROM ME WITH YOUR PERFUME AND HAIR APPLIANCES! pretty please

oh melissa joan hart, you know this means you... you too kelly martin...

you know it's true....

mmmmm law and order.... i love you

viva Obama!

GO OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dumb and dumber in the city... ug..

halloween picture pose face - FAIL!

SSHHHHHH, unless I get something out of this little chat

time for fresh sharpies!!!!!!!!!!!

ugh, I've got a case of the Sundays...

i LOVE listening to books on my ipod, does that make me lazy?

that's why I still keep on collecting them!

seriously, it's always on!

not so big on the pumpkin carving...

i dont have a costume yet, no thanks to Leg Avenue...

folding calms me down, yo

Going to concerts is fun, but making fun of smug hipsters is more fun!


I HATE people who take their sweet ass time in front of me at the grocery store! There is NO difference between cheerios and churrios! Just put them in your cart and MOVE!

Little hands make it hard to play anything... low motivation also plays a part in that...

if you were looking for me... here i am!

pass the kleenex........

I'm back!

well?

i do feel a litte bad... oopsy

i should have majored in home economics...

can you hear me now, creepy?

what's the best format for a dog resume?

turns out, this prediction works every day!

hooray house parties and keg beer!

we do not work at gymboree, folks...

where is ron popeil when you need him?

work trips suck, but swanky hotels dont!

ewwwwww sweaty...

i love lazy weekends!

time for an Etsy sale!

i love beer, but i also love air conditioning...

i'm not amazed easily..

they don't call them "molest-stashes" for nothin...

okay okay... I have a problem! (aspartame - the silent killer...)

I don't talk too much, do I?

i LOVE long funny voicemails, it may be why i screen so much